I woke up this morning annoyed and determined to vent the reason for said annoyance on this blog. I was pretty convinced that I was fueled by righteous indignation (not jealousy, frustration, sadness or impatience-----yeah, right). See, this entire blog was going to be concerned with my feelings regarding those who already have two or three children adopted from China and are currently in the process of adopting another one. The families that I am aware of (and DO NOT know personally) often have debts left to pay on previous adoptions and are seeking financial assistance to facilitate their current adoption costs. My initial reaction was "How dare they! If they cannot afford to pay for their own previous adoption costs what gives them the right to ask others for assistance to adopt another child? How do they even take care of the children they have?" HMMMM....besides the obvious factor of this being absolutely NONE OF MY BUSINESS I have to ask myself "What difference does it make to me?" "Why am I so angry?"
It took some soul searching and I think it comes down to ego and jealousy. People make choices that I would not make. That's just a statement of fact. How other people manage their finances is none of my business. I can feel superior in my ability to pinch a penny until Lincoln sues for sexual harrassment but that is it. This then leads to the jealousy ( I knew I said it wasn't a motivating sentiment but, c'mon, I think we all know the truth...) Because some of the families who have multiple adopted children from China have adopted from the Waiting Child List many of them will have completed an adoption in less time than Ben and I have been in the process---BY A LONG SHOT. But, hey, the WCL is open to us too. It's our decision--- and just because we don't choose to go that route right now (we're not saying we would never consider the WCL) does not mean other people aren't choosing the journey that is right and blessed for them.
I'm just weary in the wait. On the 17th of this month we will have been LID for 14 months. On my birthday next month we will have been "in the process" for two years. I'm just feeling all two years of it right now. Would I change my mind? No way. Maisy is in China and we will WAIT FOR GOD TO BRING OUR BABY HOME.
Speaking of birthdays....The kids and I were waiting for Ben in the van outside of the grocery store the other day...just chillin' and listening to KLOVE. I'm sure I was singing along while Bobby was talking about various and sundry. Folks, I've gotta be able to multi-task because my darlin' son TALKS ALL THE TIME!! Anyway, He says "I've decided what to get you for your birthday, Mama. "Hmmmmm, okay" I reply with not enough enthusiasm I'm sure. "Can I use your name on the radio?" he asks. "What?" My son then tells me that for my b-day he wants to call my favorite Christian radio station and ask everyone to pray on his mama's birthday that God would bring his baby sister home from China. The baby asked me "Would that be a good present, Mama?" Once I got a grip and quit sucking snot I told my son that there is no better gift than to know that people are praying for you, especially when those people are your children. Now wasn't that precious?! And, FYI--If you believe in prayer and would consider lifting my precious Maisy up to the Lord on my birthday---well, it beats a Hallmark card! March 23rd is the day!
But now I shall write the DENOUMENT (term courtesy of my nerdy English major persona). Children, regardless of how you get them or who brings them into this world, are a blessing. The packaging may not always be what we expect or even what we think we want or are entitled to (entitlement, what a hoot) but I assure you, they are gift that can come only from God. Isn't it interesting that the Messiah could have come as an adult, a warrior, a king---but instead came as a baby. Isn't it interesting that people get pregnant every day but have no creative license in the baby they deliver. Isn't it interesting that I got angry over how God was leading someone else in the journey to find their child. What a gift children are. It isn't time for our gift to come yet. But I promise you I won't begrudge anyone else theirs----that's pretty hard to do when you aren't THE GIFT GIVER.
May God grant you the desires of your heart,
Dedicated with love to my son and daughter, Bobby and Abby and in great anticipation to my daughter, Maisy----Wonderful gifts from God.