Thursday, January 10, 2013

Jesus is not my co-pilot!!

Before the collective gasp sucks all of the oxygen out of the room and the intervention planning begins, allow me to explain!! I'm not denying my salvation, I'm stating a fact. Jesus is not my co-pilot because I am not the pilot. You see, nobody in their right minds would let me pilot anything. Not even a riding lawnmower. I get lost in parking lots, malls, (which I visit only when absolutely necessary), hotels, big rooms, hallways with more than one door, thought....You get my drift. So to think that I needed Jesus only as "back-up" is beyond ridiculous. Jesus is my "pilot", my leader, my Savior, my dearest Friend, My All in All. He isn't "Co" anything. He's everything.

So, it's a good thing that Jesus is the leader considering I'll be going to China on my own. It is a scary prospect to be perfectly honest. I'm not into singularity. A very dear friend, who shall remain nameless (Dee), said, "Amy, how are you going to go to China alone when you cannot even find Edmond. Sad. It's probably true. I'm sure I only live a very, very short distance from the demarcation between OKC and Edmond. I also believe I could get to Edmond on my own. I'm just walking North, Folks, I do know that much. But, I probably wouldn't be able to tell you once I got there..... Am I there yet? How 'bout now???

Like I've said before, I can't see "my way" from here. It's all about Jesus!!!

The home study is completed, approved and will be mailed to USCIS very, very, soon. I cannot believe that soon and very soon I will be able to hold Sweet Patrick in my arms and tell him how precious, how fearfully and wonderfully made he is. I do not know why Patrick had to wait so long for a family. I do know that we ARE his family. God has made that infinitely clear, because this entire adoption process is a miracle from the beginning. I do believe that God has been stretching, testing, and molding me into the mother that Patrick needs. I was not that mother when I gave birth to my first child. I wasn't that mother when I gave birth to my second child. Although, the trials that came with her delivery and her need for me to be an advocate gave me abilities that God is using now as I prepare to advocate for Patrick and care for his special little heart. I was not the mother that Patrick needed at the time of our first adoption. But that process taught me patience and certainty and perseverance and the absolute worth of fasting to become closer to God. While I wanted to be the mother that Patrick needed when we brought our last child home from China, I simply wasn't. But, looking back, I have learned the best lesson so far. I have learned that Miracles do happen. That no child is outside the heart of God. That when my heart is broken, His is too. That He loves me so much, He will make a way where there was none. I have learned trust. Thank You, Jesus. No, I am still not refined. Still not the ideal mother. But, I'm running the race and I know He goes before me. And, when the race ends, He will be at the finish line.

Yes, there are still fundraising issues and waiting for deadlines or avoiding deadlines or discovering deadlines and then more waiting.....But, I have Peace. That Glorious Peace that Passes Understanding. I may not be able to find Edmond, but I can find Jesus. He's holding my hand and leading the way.

Please remember my darlin' Patrick in your prayers. Also, please continue to pray for my dear friend Mary Sammons and her Precious Ivy Joy as they spend time in Boston for Ivy's heart.

All Praise and Glory to Him,

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